The Cedar Key by Stephenia H. McGee

Author:Stephenia H. McGee
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Christian Fiction, Women’s Fiction, Southern Contemporary, Small town contemporary, Southern Fiction, Religious Fiction, Family
ISBN: 9781635640533
Publisher: By The Vine Press
Published: 2020-10-09T00:00:00+00:00

21

Pains of the Past

My hands trembled and dropped the paper to the porch. Sunlight wrapped warm fingers around Ida’s house, but even in the heat, my veins ran cold. I shivered, and Ryan pulled me closer on the porch swing. For a long time, he didn’t say anything.

If Ida had accepted Haley, would I have grown up in a loving home? Would life had been different? I dropped my head against Ryan’s arm and stared at the ceiling. “Because Ida rejected Haley, Haley rejected me.”

The words sounded petulant. I loathed the emotions swarming inside me almost as much as the tears burning in the back of my eyes.

Ryan rubbed his thumb up and down on my shoulder. “I’m not sure Ida rejected Haley so much as she feared they jumped into marriage too soon.”

I leaned forward and rubbed my temples, trying to fight off a headache. “She didn’t say anything about what happened to Haley or why Haley gave me up for adoption.” Though if she’d lost her husband and had no support, maybe she didn’t have much of a choice. Besides, she’d only been eighteen. “Ida should have told me.”

“Would you have listened?” Ryan cocked an eyebrow at me.

Yes. Maybe. Probably not. I worked my lower lip through my teeth and took an honest look at myself. “I don’t know. At that point, I may have agreed with Ida and blamed everything on her. But that’s probably because all these years I’ve been looking for a reason behind why my life turned out so terribly.”

If I hadn’t taken the time to get to know Ida, even just a little, maybe I’d have found it easy to blame her for my troubles. Not that focusing my anger on anyone ever changed anything in my life. Anger only poisoned. I knew that, yet still found it a hard truth to walk out. Blame and deflection came easily.

“If you don’t mind my asking,” Ryan said, tugging me from my thoughts, “what happened after, you know—?”

“After my birth mother abandoned me?” At least now I knew it was only my mother who hadn’t wanted me. Mike probably hadn’t known she was pregnant. Then again, maybe he did, and that’s what they fought about that night. Ida didn’t say. “I was adopted by Paula and Howard Adams. Though I never figured out why. They didn’t even want kids.” At least not after they’d already signed for one.

Ryan started the swing again, and we swayed gently as the afternoon dipped toward twilight. He didn’t push, and I respected him for his depth of understanding. Pressure built inside me, begging me to open a valve and let the infection spill out. I was tired of holding on to the past. Tired of it poisoning everything I touched.

Ryan needed to know the truth. Better he find out about me now, before I let myself care for him too much. I cleared my throat of the thickness choking off my words.

“For as long as I could remember, my parents fought.

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